What Are You Not Telling?
by Fafsernir
Summary: [spoilers for the Trespasser DLC] The long day is over, Solas is gone, the Inquisition is dissolved, and everyone is heading towards different directions. But the Inquisitor feels lonely, again. And he forgot to mention something to Dorian.


_So I finished DAI last week and I can't shake that game off my mind so I had to write a little something after all that angst at the end. Personally, my character is a male Lavellan in a romance with Dorian, in a "good" game, with always the sad choice or the "nice" one or the "it's a good thing" one (the one with the thumb up), and at one of the last conversations, I made him answer angrily, and he was always so sweet that his answer broke my heart because it was rather violent. He was also great friend with Solas and I chose to prove him that he didn't need to kill tons of people. (because I love Solas.) Oh, and he's named Aodren, that's why Dorian calls him that way once ;)_

 _I'm not a native English speaker and I played this game in French with just the voices in English, so I apologize if I get something wrong ;)_

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The Inquisitor was leaning against the rail with his only hand. Everyone was slowly going away, and he could feel loneliness slowly creep back to him. He had always felt rather lonely. This mission, this "saving the world" moment had allowed him to do something with his life, to make himself useful. To _feel_ useful. He had never felt quite like that before. And he had met wonderful people, he had even met what felt like the love of his life, even if having to stay apart always broke his heart.

Speaking of which, he heard steps behind him and didn't have to turn to know it was Dorian. Even after two years, he still could recognize his way of approaching him.

"Josephine told me you yelled at them. You never yell at them," Dorian said playfully, but a careful ear could hear his concern, almost well hidden.

"Does it matter, now?" The Inquisitor sighed, shaking his head. He ran his hand through his hair and turned, only to avoid Dorian's gaze.

"It matters to me," he simply answered, then put his hand on the Inquisitor's cheek, who leaned against it and closed his eyes. "What are you not telling, Amatus?"

The Inquisitor frowned. He had never been really good at lying to his boyfriend. He had pretended to be fine, to accept his desire to go away _again,_ but he had never been quite able to lie at his face or hide something, especially not something this huge.

"Can we talk?" he asked, and Dorian nodded, but didn't move. "Privately?"

"Oh that reminds me the good old times," Dorian chuckled.

The Inquisitor shook his head to hide his smile, remembering all the times he had pretended he wanted to talk to Dorian, only to kiss him. He loved kissing him.

They walked for a moment, Dorian talking about what he had been up to during the past two years, and the Inquisitor silently listening. When they were in a room, safe from stares and out of ears, they kissed softly, calmly, not really able to do so since they had seen each other again.

Dorian pulled back, puzzled, when his lover started crying in silence.

"What is it, Amatus?" he asked.

The Inquisitor had longed for this voice for months. He had missed a lot of things about Dorian, but his voice and his touches had been one of the first things he had been glad to find again. And maybe his arms, he thought as Dorian pulled him into a hug.

"The list is long," he eventually sobbed, then took a deep breath and pushed back to breathe calmly and stop himself from crying. "Starting with this," he added with a vague gesture to his missing arm.

"I'm sure you'll find a way to fight with only one hand," Dorian grinned, but he wasn't really in a playful mood and his attempt to cheer his Inquisitor up failed.

"And Solas betrayed us, I trusted him and he- he won't even listen to me-"

"Hey, if someone's going to prove him wrong, it's you, Amatus."

"I know! I know, because I promised myself I would, and I will. He will see this world doesn't need saving. Not the way he plans to do it, at least."

Dorian nodded, but frowned. "There's something else, isn't it?"

The Inquisitor didn't look at him. He stared at the floor and waited for something to happen. Maybe an attack. A scream from outside, a demon appearing... Hell, even a dragon flying over their heads would be a good thing at that moment. Anything but confessing his deepest fear.

"You're going away again," he whispered.

"But I'm not gone," Dorian shook his head. "I'm still here, and I'll always show up if you call. You just have to talk, remember?"

"Yes, yes. But still it won't..."

"Aodren," Dorian cut him. The Inquisitor stopped, swallowed, and looked at him only because he raised his chin with his finger. "What are you not telling?" he asked again, taking his hand in his own.

"I... It's about the Anchor," he finally admitted.

"What about it? You don't... have it any more," Dorian said, pushing slightly so he would talk.

The Inquisitor looked away, and Dorian couldn't catch his stare again this time. "I lied."

"What?" Dorian articulated, looking hurt.

"Solas didn't... He didn't cure me. He bought me more time."

"I'm not- What?" Dorian repeated.

"The Anchor might not be here any more, but I'm still dying. Rather quickly."

"Solas, this son of a-"

The Inquisitor grabbed Dorian's wrist, interrupting him. "He's still my friend. He's still our friend," he said, shaking his head.

"But you're _dying_ ," Dorian said and as he emphasized the word, his face fell. "You'll die..." he repeated.

The Inquisitor yelped when two strong arms hugged him with a strength Dorian rarely put in his hugs. The last time Dorian had hugged him like this had been the morning before he had left, two years before. He had held on his lover for a long time with so much strength that the Inquisitor had almost asked him to pull away so he could breathe. But he had been aware of the time he would then spend without the person he loved, so he had let Dorian crushed him into a heartbreaking hug.

"Why didn't you tell anything?" Dorian whispered against his ear.

"I didn't see the point."

Dorian nodded and sniffed. "Is there a way to save you?"

"I don't think so. Solas did everything that could be done."

"I'm sorry I wasn't here," Dorian shook his head. "I'm sorry I'm leaving..."

"No," the Inquisitor interrupted him, "you have to find out what happened to your father."

Dorian didn't answer, but nodded weakly.

"Are you okay?" he asked after a while, uncertain, for once.

"Can't breathe," the Inquisitor smiled, and Dorian chuckled.

"Right," he said as he pulled back. "Sorry about that." He wiped his eyes and grinned. "Wouldn't want you to be crushed against me. Unless..."

The Inquisitor laughed as Dorian gently pushed him towards the bed in the room. That was why he loved this man so much. Even when facing difficult situations, he always found a way to be funny, or to distract the Inquisitor, and he needed just this. A distraction, from all that had happened. From Solas, his missing arm, the fact that he wouldn't be able to hold his weapon properly again, Dorian leaving once more, and his own status, how he would die rather sooner than later. And he was grateful that Dorian was still able to take his mind off his problems, as he had always done. He needed Dorian more than anything right now, and after two years without seeing him, he realised just how much he loved him.

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 _I hope you enjoyed this short fic! I just needed to get it off my chest after finishing this game._

 _I'm not used to writing with a character without really naming it, but it felt weird to write Aodren all along, as we all have different Inquisitor names, so I hope that putting "the Inquisitor" all along is okay. Anyway, if you liked this, don't hesitate to leave a review, I might come back in this fandom if people like this little text ;)_


End file.
